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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My boyfriend and I are in our 50s. We have lived together for two years. He’s retired. I work full time. We have a woman friend (married with kids) he sees almost daily during the summer at the swimming pool. Every day he says to her, “What time will you be here? I’ll be here around 10. See ya then.” She brings him food occasionally while they’re there. Sometimes he can be in a foul mood, and all he wants is to go to the pool to relax. When we go, his eyes search for her and if/when he sees her, they light up and he gets a big smile on his face. When I pointed it out to him, he gave me the silent treatment for a couple of hours. Then he accused me of being jealous. We are in a committed relationship, but I find this threatening. What should I do, if anything?

Signed, Betty

From Arlington, Virginia

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Dear Betty,

I understand your reservations, and I would probably feel the same way. Their meeting place happens to be the pool, so the only logical thing for you to do, is destroy it. And here are some options. Drain it, and then put flyers on cars in the neighborhood, informing them that the city has now designated that empty pool for dumping. Or, you can fill the pool with piranhas. Once they see enough human skeletons floating on the surface, their meeting place will be a downer. To make sure that there will be no infidelity, spread an untraceable rumor that both of them have an incurable STD. At that point, they will be too scared to advance the relationship any further than just “friends”. But my favorite idea is this. Every morning, put a sign near the place where they have their “innocent rendezvous” which reads ”IT’S OK TO PEE IN THE POOL”. This should attract a large amount of young kids, town drunks, and homeless bums. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• August 4, 2018


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