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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Los Angeles, California – Los Angeles prosecutors declined to pursue sexual abuse claims against high-powered CBS CEO Les Moonves because the statute of limitations has expired. An unidentified woman – known as Jane Doe in the documents — notified police in February regarding three incidents involving Moonves, with one allegedly occurring in 1986 and the other two allegedly occurring on the same day in 1988, NBC News first reported. At a press conference, Moonves responded to the news that the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s Office is unable to file charges against him. “Too late ladies, if you snooze, you lose. What ever happened, happened. I’ll be the big name that gets away with it!” He then started singing the song “You can’t touch this”, while making a futile attempt to break dance.

CBSLes Moonves

• August 1, 2018


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