Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Tallahassee, Florida – Liberal Tallahassee Mayor Andrew Gillum, fresh off his upset victory in Florida’s gubernatorial primary, is being showered with praise from big Democratic socialists like Bernie Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez – all eager for an epic ideological clash in the race against Trump-backed GOP Rep. Ron DeSantis. But back home in Florida, Gillum is grappling with a controversy that could distract from this political war of ideas: the ongoing FBI investigation into possible corruption in Tallahassee, the city he has led since 2014. “This is the most racist thing I have ever seen in my life,” said Gillum in regards to the federal probe. “The only reason I am being investigated is because I’m black. The FBI would never investigate a white person while they were running for office under any circumstances. I majored in U.S. history when I was in college, so I know exactly what I’m talking about!”

Alexandria Ocasio-CortezBernie SandersDonald TrumpFBI

• August 30, 2018


Previous Post

Next Post

Leave a Reply

Or