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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I am a man who has read your column regularly for years. Now that I’m retired, I find myself composing little “Dear Blake” conversations in my mind as I go through the day and meet small challenges or hear about them from acquaintances. You know what I mean — what should Tom do about his abusive daughter, how should I address the neighbors’ habit of feeding the cats and squirrels, or what should I do with this latest bit of gossip? I literally ask you for guidance, then argue with the advice I think you would give — sometimes out loud. Is this a sign of creeping insanity or something worse?

Signed, Elgin

From Carson City, Nevada

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Dear Elgin,

Thanks for being a “fan” of my advice column. And I don’t believe you have “creeping insanity”, I feel you are way passed that! First of all, I’m glad you retired, because I think it’s a good idea that you limit your contact with people. If you daily walk around having brainless debates with yourself, my guess is, you probably lose most of them. When people contact me soliciting my help, I never do anything insensitive like ignore them. But instead, I will find the time during my busy day, and give them options to consider, even though on most occasions, I have no idea what I’m talking about. And lastly, I have a very low opinion of people like you, who disagree with some of the thoughtless advice I regularly dull out. Just because my suggestions are frequently mindless and irrational, does not mean I should be treated like I belong in a leper colony. Hopefully, now I have finally earned your respect, as well as other pathetic losers.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• September 8, 2018


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