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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

Our sister, “Dolly,” is a control freak. She has been like this her whole life. Her husband died years ago, and the last thing he said to us was that he was better off dead than living the life he was living with her. Dolly is now involved with a new man. They are living together, and she’s doing the same thing to him that she did with her husband. We’re not sure if we should warn him about her or leave it alone. They are planning to be married next summer. I think he is having second thoughts, but is waiting to see if she changes. We can tell he’s unhappy. Should we warn him or not?

Signed, Melissa

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Dear Melissa,

It’s unfortunate that Dolly made her husband so miserable. I also feel you should warn her new boyfriend, that if he marries her, he’ll feel like he’s in hell… without the heat. Well, since your sister acts like a witch, you should be proactive in convincing her new boyfriend, that’s exactly what she is. Here are some ideas. Ask him does it bother him that about once a month outside, she can be seen stirring a large boiling pot filled with some strange ingredients under a moonlit sky, wearing all black as bats fly over her head? Tell him that she fakes the way she laughs to sound normal, but her natural laugh is actually a high-pitch cackle. Allege that her former husband chose to die, because if he didn’t, he knew it was just a matter of time before she turned him into a toad as she often threatened to do. And to seal the deal, relay this to him. Inform her new beau that Dolly has written several letters to the FBI, demanding that they launch an investigation into the “murders” of her two close friends from the west and east, alleging that were brutally slaughtered by Dorothy from Kansas. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• September 23, 2018


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