Unconfirmed Breaking News
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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Sacramento, California – The Golden State lawmakers voted to bar middle and high schools from starting before 8:30 a.m. The bill, SB328, narrowly passed in both chambers. Nearly 80 percent of California middle and high schools started earlier than 8:30 a.m. Governor Jerry Brown spoke about the new law at a press conference. “Many kids enjoy playing video games passed midnight even though they have school the following morning. And the Supreme Court of this state has correctly ruled, that any parent that tries to stop their child from enjoying Nintendo, etc., at all hours of the night, is a form of child abuse. Thus, these kids need and extra amount of time each morning to relax their minds and rest their thumbs.”

Jerry Brown

• September 5, 2018


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