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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I’m an adult who had to move back home with my parents due to ill health. In the evening, we like to watch TV together. However, I often find myself hiding out alone in my bedroom because my father has the volume turned so high my ears hurt. I “jokingly” said he should get a hearing aid, but he seemed offended by the suggestion. I would love to enjoy family time, but don’t want to have to wear earplugs every time I sit in the living room. Do you have any suggestions? I’m hoping he sees this because he reads your column every weekend.

Signed, Daniel
From Fort Worth, Texas

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Dear Daniel,

Some people as they get older, refuse to accept the fact that they are having a hearing loss. However just because your rickety father is stubborn and grumpy, does not give him the right to try to rupture your eardrums. So, that old geyser doesn’t want to turn the tv down or get a hearing aid? Ok, here are some suggestions. Try to figure out how to disable the tv speakers, even if you have to go in and cut the wires, and then program the tv to have a closed caption. Unless your dad can’t read, he’ll eventually adjust to the new format. Or you can turn the tables on him and start speaking to him using a megaphone. Unless he’s an idiot, he’ll pick up on the hint. And this might work. Every time someone comes around, start whispering and then encourage them to look at your dad and laugh. At that point he will probably feel compelled to get a hearing aid, just to find out what malicious, insulting things you are saying about him. But I think the best way to encourage your father to get a hearing aid, is to make your father think you have taken an insurance policy out on him, and then let him see you doing some Google searches regarding arson. This should prompt him to make a doctor’s appointment immediately to insure that hears the alarm from smoke detectors. But until he gets examined, don’t be surprised when he goes to bed at night, he uses a fire extinguisher as a pillow. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• December 22, 2018


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