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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My son moved back home after college two years ago. He hasn’t been able to find work in his field of study. He did work for about three months, then quit. Here’s the problem. He bought an expensive rottweiler puppy while he was working, but now he’s unable to pay for the food and general care of this puppy. I’m struggling financially and cannot afford to help with the expenses. The puppy is destroying my house, pulling my sofa cushions from the sofa, gnawing on my woodwork, etc. My son is accusing me of being “materialistic and selfish.” I feel he should have waited until he had his own place before he got a dog. I already have a dog, “Siggy” Please advise.

Signed, Marissa
From Carson City, Nevada

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Dear Marissa,

It is very unfortunate that your son can’t secure any employment. And it’s even worse that he’s allowing some mongrel to tear up your home, while he sits on his worthless behind passing judgement. Ok, here are some of suggestion on how to deal with the matter. Mix some sleeping pills or Nyquil with his puppy’s dog food. After it falls asleep, file down its fangs to the point the gnawing becomes more like gumming. Or, you can let your son know that you are on a very tight budget, and you can either afford to feed him or his dog, and let him decide who’s going to starve. And this idea might work. Keep the dog, and drop your son off at the local animal shelter (I have no doubt that PETA will praise your wisdom). But if you are willing to wait a year until the dog is full grown, then this would be the best idea. Immediately go out and get a kitten, specifically a bobcat. They are natural born killers that can take down much larger prey, and it will be full grown in about a year. When that happens, let Siggy stay with a friend for a few weeks, but first tell your son that you are no longer going to feed his dog or your bobcat. And to make your intentions clear, every time you are in a room with your son and the two pets, let your son and the bobcat see you sprinkling some seasoning on his rottweiler. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• December 29, 2018


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