Unconfirmed Breaking News
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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Redondo Beach, California – Two nuns from a Southern California parish stole “substantial” amounts of school funds for personal use over a period of years, according to an internal investigation. The Rev. Michael Meyers, pastor of St. James Catholic Church in Redondo Beach, sent a letter on Wednesday to families of St. James School where the nuns worked, the Los Angeles Times reported. Meyers said the Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet, the nuns’ order, was cooperating with the parish and the Archdiocese of Los Angeles to determine how much the sisters owe. One of the nuns explained their actions in a letter to St. James Catholic Church which read in part, “Are we remorseful for what we did? No way! The Catholic church is being sued left and right due to the “safe haven policy” we have regarding protecting pedophiles. So before the church goes bankrupt, we decided to steal our retirement funds now, rather than becoming penniless and homeless caused by dishonest priests… or something like that.”

• December 4, 2018


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