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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Hutchins, Texas – Two FedEx employees are accused of having stolen nearly $50,000 worth of shipped tech devices. Packages containing more than 90 cellphones and an Apple Watch were taken from a FedEx hub in Hutchins, Texas, police said. The suspects were identified as Wade Hal, 58, and Larry Poole, 47. Hal and Poole allegedly paid the hub’s manager and a security guard “to turn their face the other way” while they stuffed backpacks with the packages, the report said. But a warehouse manager alerted officers to monitor two employees he suspected were stealing from the company. When the two men arrived for work, the manager and a security team watched them unload trailers at the business. The officers then confronted the duo and discovered 94 cellphones and an Apple Watch — with a total value of $48,390. The two men eventually confessed, but they initially alleged that they were being framed by “a racist Santa Claus, bigoted elves, and some brown ‘Uncle Tom’ reindeer.”

• December 28, 2018


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