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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

A friend of mine is a pretty fair oil painter. She occasionally sells one. I would like to buy a painting she recently finished. She quoted me a price, but phrased it as a question, “Does $– sound OK?” Would it be rude if I offered her less than that for the painting?

Signed, Carlson
From Hartford, Connecticut

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Dear Carlson,

Art is subjective, so there is not set price for anything. However, the best way to get the price lowered, is to convince your friend that her creation is worthless junk. It would help a lot if I knew what her creations looked like so I’ll have to guess. If they are in the style of Picasso, accuse her of being on LSD, and suggest that she enrolls in a local 12 step program for recovering drug addicts and join a support group. If her canvas drawings are consistent with Vincent Van Gogh, tell her that what she’s trying to sell, looks like a page ripped out of an oversize coloring book. If her style compliments Salvador Dalí, inform her that you are impressed with what she did, considering the obvious fact that the circuitry in her brain is repeatedly misfiring. But being honest with her might be the best approach. Tell her she’s asking for too much. Tell her she’s not a great artist, and the odds are she never will be. Remind her of the phrase “starving artist”, and she should be grateful to every nickel she can get from anyone, including you. And most importantly, say this to her while wearing some goggles, because the chances are, you’ll get her so angry, they’ll she take one of her paint brushes, and attempt to gouge your eyes out. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• January 5, 2019


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