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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I am having issues with a friend who gets handed most everything he wants. I had to grow up when I was very young, pay my own way for things and take care of myself, and I now work three jobs to pay my rent. This friend is unemployed. He lives in an apartment his parents pay for and goes on frequent road trips. I have reached a point where I have become seriously envious, and I’m not sure how to stop feeling frustrated that he has an easier life than I do. I care about our friendship, but it’s physically painful sometimes when he talks about these luxuries that I can’t afford. Should I cut off the relationship? Is this something I should talk about with him or something I need to work on myself?

Signed, Glenn
From Manhattan, New York

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Dear Glenn,

Jealousy is one of the most powerful human emotions. The only thing I can suggest for you to do, is set to out to destroy his life, by figuring out a way to get his parents to cut him off. Here are some ideas for starters. Send an anonymous letter to his parents that he is currently selling drugs to 7th and 8th graders, and include a list of grammar schools and bogus student’s names that he says are his best customers. Or, you can tell the police that he approached you asking for ideas on how to get rid of his mother and father, and then send his parents the names of places that sells bulletproof vests. Here’s another good idea. Inform his mom and dad that he plans on asking them to pay for plane tickets for him and his secret fiancé, because they want to get married and spend their honeymoon in Syria after he and his bride-to-be joins ISIS. But, if you believe that honesty is the best policy, then you should go to his place and tell him how you feel about him flaunting his lifestyle. And just in case he acts indifferent to what you say, be sure and express yourself when he is standing near an open window. Hopefully he lives in a high enough apartment, that he won’t feel a thing on impact. I hope this helps.

Blake

• January 12, 2019


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