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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Seattle, Washington – Several Starbucks locations in the Seattle area will be installing safe needle deposit boxes in store bathrooms after thousands of workers signed a petition calling on the coffee megachain to “protect employees.” In the petition, workers urged corporate to place needle deposit boxes in Starbucks bathrooms, citing the “heroin” and hepatitis C “crisis” as well as the risks involved with unsafely discarded hypodermic needles. The employees also requested to be placed in the bathrooms, snack machines for people high on marijuana, small tables for cocaine addicts to do lines, and a karaoke for people that are under the erroneous impression that they are really good singers when they’re drunk.

Starbucks

• January 10, 2019


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