Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – Approximately 28 people froze to death while waiting on a train in Chicago as the temperature reached 45 below zero. Initially, police and paramedics who arrived at the scene thought the people were just mannequins and it was an elaborate prank, until the wind blew one of the deceased victims from the platform down to the street and shattered, tossing the persons’ frozen internal organs into oncoming traffic.

• January 30, 2019


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