Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My wife and I have demanding jobs neither of us is crazy about. I’m a cop, and she manages a hairdressing salon for a large company. At day’s end I keep the events of the day — good or bad — to myself. I have heard the saying “Don’t bring your family problems to work, and don’t bring your work problems home,” so I don’t carry any “baggage” home with me. If something positive happens, I may mention it. How do I get my wife to leave her work problems at work? It’s the last thing I want to hear about. If I offer an opinion or respond to her, I get criticized and accused of not appreciating how hard she works. She has actually said, “No one else in this world works as hard as I do!” I would like to have an enjoyable evening or weekend with her and not have to hear about HER work problems. Please give me some options on how to deal with this.

Signed, Luke
From New Orleans, Louisiana

*                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *

Dear Luke,

It is very unfortunate that your wife brings her work problems home on a regular basis. Since you are a cop, you should start doing the same thing, even if you have to make things up in order to gross her out. You wanted some options, ok here they are. Tell her how you broke up a fight between two homeless drunks, and then describe in detail what happened as they threw up on each other during the brawl. Or, during dinner, describe to her how awful a crack house smells while the plumbing is backed up. And this idea will get her attention. Tell your wife that you plan on buying some 24 x 36 picture frames, so you can display in the living room your favorite murder scenes. As a last resort, try this. The next time she comes home from work, whining about what happened at her salon, arrest her and have her thrown into jail, charging her with harassing a policeman. Her few days in jail will give you some peace and quiet when you come home. And to start off on the right foot after she gets released, give her a heartfelt compliment when you first see her, like “honey, you look very sexy in an orange jumpsuit.” I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• May 12, 2019


Previous Post

Next Post

Leave a Reply

Or