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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

We have a large break room at work where we gather to have lunch. Usually there are six to eight nurses gathering at one time. Sometimes we bring lunch from home; other times we order out individually. One co-worker constantly helps herself to others’ food without it being offered. Example: If you order fries with your lunch, she will reach over and grab some off your plate without asking. It makes the rest of us uncomfortable. We feel it is rude and unsanitary. How do we politely ask her to stop doing this?

Signed, Agnes
From Freeport, Louisiana

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Dear Agnes,

What your co-worker is doing, is disrespectful and reflects poor etiquette. If you have a taser, aggressively use it on her. If you don’t own one, here are some other options. You and the other people should eat right out of your lunch boxes, and while chewing your food, seal the lunch boxes with a lock and chain between each mouthful. Hopefully that freeloader picks up the hint. Or this idea. Nurses are very sanitary and don’t like spreading germs, so the nurses should lick all of their own food in front of her before eating it. And then laugh at the expression of that loser who will feel deprived of a free meal. You can also show her how it feels to do what she does. So the next time she brings food in, everyone on the table should grab a portion, until there is nothing left but the smell of the original cuisine. However, I think this suggestion will break her of the irritating habit permanently. Let her reach over and grab some food… that was spiked with a strong sedative. When she wakes up, having her in surgery because you switched her with a patient that was scheduled for a lobotomy. Be sure to stop the the surgeon as he begins to approach her forehead with an electric saw. And even if you don’t stop him in time. so what. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• June 9, 2019


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