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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I am a platonic friend and part-time caregiver of a wealthy gentleman. I now reside in his residence out of necessity. We respect each other, and neither of us intends to be anything more than friends. My problem is his family. They do not allow me to accompany him to holiday events at their homes, even at his request. His sister has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me. My friend believes it’s all about his money, and they consider me a threat. I always feel hurt and rejected on these special occasions. I have no family of my own, and I’m alone on holidays most of the time. His nieces and nephews never call him or invite him to dinner in between holidays. How do I get past the rejection?

Signed, Elaine
From Grand Rapids, Michigan

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Dear Elaine,

Based on what you wrote, I agree with your friend’s assessment of his family, that it is all about the money. So here are some ideas on how to deal with those greedy losers. Have him test their loyalty, by him sending out a phony letter to all of his kin, alleging that he has lost everything in the stock market and plans to file for bankruptcy soon. I’m guessing after that, he won’t be getting anymore invitations from relatives for family banquets or vacations. Or, you can send a letter out to all of them, stating that he has decided to leave everything to one relative, and that person will be determined by drawing a name out of a hat. Then you can sit back and wait until those selfish misers start hiring hitmen, slowly bumping one another off. And if you just want to irritate them, every time one of them calls, put then on hold for about 45 minutes, and put the found next to some elevator music during the duration like most customer service corporations. And when you finally come back to the phone, say to them “Who did you want to speak to again?” But the best way to deal with those boneheads is to get your friend to change his will, to where you and only you will decide who gets what after he dies, and inform the family of the change. At that point, I hope you don’t get tired of them bowing in your presence and addressing you as “your majesty”. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• June 16, 2019


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