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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – With just days to go until the Trump administration is set to impose punishing tariffs on Mexico unless the country halts the unprecedented flow of illegal immigrants across the southern border, numerous signs that Mexico would capitulate. Reports in the evening indicated that Mexico’s negotiators with Washington have offered to immediately deploy 6,000 National Guard troops to the border with Guatemala. Additionally, Mexico has reportedly agreed to a major overhaul of reasonable asylum protocols, which would require asylum applicants to seek permanent refuge in the first country they arrive in after fleeing their home countries. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stated that this is what the democrats wanted to hear. “Well, it looks like we finally got him!” she began. “Our president is now guilty of blackmail and extortion. He is trying to intimidate Mexico into following U.S. laws. How stupid is that? People who enter this country illegally, should not be forced to do what is legal. U.S. laws can only be applied to U.S. citizens. I am still baffled on how a man who is as ignorant as Trump, ever got elected!”

Alexandria Ocasio-CortezDonald Trump

• June 7, 2019


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