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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I like to host parties for my kids, family events and game nights with friends. I love when my home is filled with loving family and friends. But when we open our home, there always seems to be someone who feels it necessary to point out something wrong with our home or something that should be fixed. It drives me nuts! I find it hard to respond without sounding snotty. When I’m invited to someone’s home, I would never walk around and nitpick and point out problem areas. I would love it if you could give me examples of what I can say to deflect those not-so-helpful comments.

Signed, Garfield
From Seattle, Washington

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Dear Garfield,

No person should be subjected to that level of disrespect in their own home. I think you should respond in a fashion that will not only stop their nitpicking, but there’s a good chance they won’t ever want to speak to you again. Ok, here are some ideas. If someone is standing near a window while pointing out something they think you need to address, push them through the window, and then throw them some bandages so they can repair their own bodies. If what they notice needs a hammer, wrench, screwdriver, etc., drop a very full tool box on their foot, and tell them to resolve the issue themselves when their pain subsides. Or, you can get a pitbull that is trained to savagely attack anyone that makes an unsolicited suggestion about the upkeep of your residence. But I think this is the best suggestion to shut those insensitive idiots down. The first chance you get, go to their houses with a checklist on a clipboard. And after your exaggerated findings, tell them you’re contacting the board of health… and a demolition crew. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• July 28, 2019


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