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BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Hillary Clinton is now warning the 2020 democratic presidential candidates, to get it together within sixty days, or she’ll run again for the White House. “None of those losers can beat Trump,” she explained while flipping through her 2016 Playbook. “Look at the pathetic frontrunners. Joe Biden acts creepy and Cory Booker looks creepy. Bernie Sanders appears to be angry all the time as if someone stole his favorite spittoon. As far as Kamala Harris is concerned, I heard some people say she is pretty, and I heard others say she is stupid. I think both of them are correct, because I think she’s pretty stupid. Julian Castro doesn’t meet the minimum height requirements. Beto O’Rourke… why does he flail his arms so much when he talks? I’m not sure if he’s giving a speech or having a seizure. And lastly, Elizabeth Warren. She may not be as crooked as I am, but she lies as much as I do. I’m still waiting on her to produce the footage she said she took with her cell phone when she was a little girl living in Montana, as she stood from a hill and cheered on some Native Americans that were attacking General Custer.”

Bernie SandersCory BookerElizabeth WarrenHillary ClintonJoe Biden

• July 24, 2019


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