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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Disgraced multimillionaire Jeffrey Epstein, who was accused of sexually abusing dozens of underage girls, was found dead early Saturday morning inside his Manhattan jail cell. The 66-year-old Epstein died at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in New York City weeks after he was arrested of multiple child sex-trafficking charges. There was no immediate confirmation on how he died, but multiple reports said Epstein died by suicide. The police are now reviewing the security camera footage of a Caucasian man and a woman running from the prison shortly after Epstein died. The man who was about 6 feet tall with grayish white hair, was seen jumping up and clicking his heels while carrying a bottle of champagne. And the woman who was about 5’4” had a maniacal laugh, was wearing a bland pants suit.

• August 12, 2019


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