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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I’m a single woman with nothing to do on Saturday nights. I do not have a boyfriend (not for lack of trying), and I don’t have nephews or nieces. My apartment is too small for a pet. None of my current friends is available on Saturday evenings, so I am feeling a bit lonely. I need something to look forward to on Saturdays — for as cheap as possible. I have asked my family for suggestions, but they don’t have any. Would you have any ideas for someone in my situation?

Signed, Beverly
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada

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Dear Beverly,

I understand you feeling that there is nothing to do in Canada. I’m even more surprised that you would even publicly admit that you live there. Anyway, here are some suggestions of things you can do in that pathetic frozen wasteland on a Saturday night. You can join a local emotional support group that helps individuals deal with their intense jealousy of people who live in the United States. Or, you can go to a nearby hockey rink collecting all the teeth on the ice that got knocked out, and then fantasize if the snaggletooth man that they came from, would ever consider dating you. And if you want people to come to you, maybe you should start hosting backyard barbecues, where Canadians often grill spare ribs and penguins. But if you want to participate in something that can give you a really good workout, how about heading for some nearby mountains and wrestle a polar bear. However, more than like you probably won’t make it a hobby, because everyone in your country that I have made this suggestion to, only did it once… at least that’s what their next of kin told me. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• September 28, 2019


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