Unconfirmed Breaking News
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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Tumaco, Columbia – Suspected drug smugglers clung to floating bales of cocaine for hours. When their boat sank off the coast of Colombia, three suspected drug smugglers survived out in the open waters by clinging to the only thing that was floating: their product. The Colombian Navy said in a news release the trio was found adrift on high seas about 30 nautical miles off shore, floating on sacks of different sizes that were similar to those used by drug traffickers. One of them had lost an arm, because when he accidentally injured his wrist with a very small cut, he was so high on cocaine, that he regressed to his childhood, thought a nearby shark was his “mommy”, and he signaled for it to come over and “kiss it to make it feel better”.

• October 3, 2019


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