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A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

Life through Blake’s eyes…

I was hiking alone in an Oregon forest, when I was involved in a terrifying incident. While on the trail at dusk, a gigantic creature leaped out in my path. I have never been so scared in my life! It was about 9 feet tall and it probably tipped the scale at about 900 pounds. I assumed it was about tear me apart as I stared at it, trembling with fear. But to my amazement, it dropped a pad of paper in front of it, clutched an ink pen with its toes and began writing. When it was done, it held up the pad which read “I will not harm you”. I couldn’t believe what I just saw! It then wrote and held up, “I hope you enjoy your walk. Have a nice day.” I then began asking myself, what kind of animal is this? And then I figured it out. Based on the fact that it wrote with it’s toes, and the brand of pen it was using, I concluded that it was a “Bic Foot”.

Life through Blake's eyes

• October 6, 2019


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