Blake’s Advice Column
My husband and I are retired and financially comfortable. I have my spending money, and he has his. The problem is, he doesn’t want me to spend any money on our granddaughter. I pick her up from school every day, give her an afternoon snack, and on Fridays, we stop and get something special. My husband thinks our daughter should pay for my gas and provide snacks for her child. I disagree. I love doing things for my granddaughter and buying things for her every once in a while. When I do, he goes nuts, packs up his clothes and goes to his camp. After a few days he will call. I don’t go out and get my hair or nails done. I don’t drink or smoke, and we don’t go out to eat at expensive restaurants. His complaining is driving me crazy, and I can’t live like this anymore. She’s 10 and growing up so fast. All I want is to enjoy her the little while I have left. Advice?
From St. Louis, Missouri
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It could be for any number of reasons that your husband is taking such a strong stance. And every reason I can think of is disturbing. Here are some possibilities. He might think your granddaughter is manipulating you, since young people consistently rip off their grandparents after their first perception of senility. Or, he might believe these daily handouts will make her lazy as an adult with a sense of entitlement, and he may be concerned that she’ll be on food stamps as soon as she becomes 21. Maybe he doesn’t like her because he thinks your daughter might not be biologically his. You should get a DNA test to appease him, and then get a divorce attorney if his suspicions are confirmed. And lastly, I have a very uneasy feeling about him taking off and going to camp when he’s angry. I think that’s just a convenient excuse to for him to scram. I think it’s highly probable that this “camp” is where he is having an affair. And because the lady he’s hooking up with may resemble your granddaughter, that may prompt him into feeling that you shouldn’t be spending money on her, the same way he is spending on his greedy mistress that views him as a sugar daddy, and will continue gouging him until he is aged, penniless, and impotent. I hope this helps.