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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I have been at my current job just over a year, and I really enjoy it. My co-workers and I get along, and it is a great job for my skill set. When I was interviewing for the position, I made a point of saying that I am not the type of person who will leave after a short while because it’s a problem employers face where I live. Recently, however, I have been asked to help my father run his business. He’s not a young man, and he genuinely needs the help I can provide. I’m torn. Should I put my family first, or keep my promise not to leave this job after such a short time?

Signed, Dwight
From San Diego, California

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Dear Dwight,

That’s a tough decision to make. The best thing to do is to disregard everyone’s feelings, and whoever doesn’t like it, assume they are a worthless loser not worthy of your time. Anyway, here are some ideas. Get your father and boss in the same room and start a bidding war, constantly referring to the person with the lowest bid as a “penny pinching tightwad who secretly condones slave labor and sweatshops.” If your father is not a young man, tell him that you want it in writing that the entire business is to be given to you in his will, and your mother doesn’t get squat. Or you can get your boss to fire you. You can do that by start treating your co-workers terribly, like you intentionally screwing things up and blaming them, and regularly starting food fights in the cafeteria. But if you want to make a very dramatic exit, try this last suggestion. Splash some whiskey on your face giving the illusion that you’re drunk, and then go to your boss and say some unflattering things about his wife, and how stupid you think his kids probably are. But before you do that, make sure you have excellent medical coverage, that you can use after your “former” boss knocks you out cold! And after that, get a lawyer and sue him, alleging that he created a hostile work environment. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• January 12, 2020


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