Unconfirmed Breaking News
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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Los Angeles, California – Mayor Eric Garcetti is flying to Washington, D.C., to meet with Ben Carson, the head of the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, to discuss homelessness. Garcetti, a Democrat and critic of many of President Trump’s policies, has said in the past that the homeless issue is not partisan and he would be willing to meet with anyone on the subject. He also made it clear there were certain lines he wouldn’t cross. “I will reject any ideas that forces people to sleep indoors rather than watch the beauty of the stars at night from the ground or a park bench,” he explained. “Most of the homeless people out here either have an addiction or mental health issues, and I think it is improper to force winos and lunatics to look at a ceiling in a room as they attempt to nod off. And the associated costs will be astronomical, because for the nut cases, the rooms would have to be padded, and for the town drunks, the rooms would have to be heavily ventilated, plus they would have to constantly be restocked with barf bags.”

Donald Trump

• January 22, 2020


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