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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I paid $5,000 for a seven-day cruise with my grandkids. All I asked was for them to pack a carry-on and a backpack. My granddaughter and son are having a problem with it. I tried explaining that I’m handicapped and do not want to check a large bag for her because it’s a convenience issue. There’s laundry service onboard the ship.

When I went to help her pack, my son said I was being unreasonable, and is now threatening to cancel our time with our grandchildren! My husband and I are heartbroken. He ordered us to leave his home and said we were being ridiculous! I don’t know what to think.

Am I being unreasonable? We never told them how much we have spent. We just explained that a checked bag would cause us more stress. We also rented a compact car for after our cruise to take the grands, who are 15 and 16, to the mall and a theme park. We don’t understand the big deal.

Signed, Loretta
From Santa Fe, New Mexico

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Dear Loretta,

I think your son is being very unreasonable. And because he booted you out of his house, nothing you can do to him should be considered off limits, no matter how ruthless and vengeful. So, here are some of my suggestions. Tell him you often regret the day he was born, and them show him some bogus adoption papers dated to a few days after he was born, to confirm that you were doing everything possible to try to unload this future ingrate. If you agree to his demands regarding the trip, take the kids to the mall, and promise to buy them anything they want, if they will assist you in setting up their parents with allegations that will cause a judge to revoke their custody and give the children to you. Most teenagers will agree to anything if you give them the latest cell phone or some video games. Or, put some drugs in his luggage, and anonymously alert customs. And to top it off, place in his luggage some business cards of some Mexican cartels, which will cause him not to be vacationing for the next five to ten years. And this last one is my favorite option. When you’re alone with him and there are no witnesses around, push him overboard and then toss him a raft. And then tell him he can either hook the raft and towed along with the ship, or to stay in that part of the ocean, and hopefully the ship can find him on their way back. I’m assuming he’ll know you still love him by giving him options. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• February 2, 2020


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