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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I have never been in love before, and I have just learned the man I’m seeing is a former felon. It was nothing having to do with sexual violence or killing anyone. I’m afraid if my family finds out, they will judge him. He works seven days a week and lives in a shelter because most places don’t want to rent to felons. He treats me good and takes me out for dinners. Maybe I’m stupid for not being judgmental, but he’s a good person who has served his time for his crimes, and he’s still being punished. Are people like him not allowed to be in love and have families too?

Signed, Rayleena
From Chicago, Illinois

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Dear Rayleena,

It’s good to see you are happy in your relationship. But considering the crime(s) he “admitted” that he committed that got him thrown in prison, you might have reasons for concern. Let’s look at some possibilities. It’s nice that he is taking you out for a meal. But if he was in prison for passing counterfeit bills, he might be heading back to prison, along with the server that he tipped. If he was locked up for blackmail, then never tell him anything about you that is unflattering, that you are willing to pay to keep off the internet. In fact tell him that you are a practicing nun, and every time he calls you, pretend that you are watching “The Sound of Music”. If he was in jail for theft, convince him you don’t own anything of value that the local pawn shops would be interested in. But my biggest concern by far, is that he was incarcerated due to some terrorist ties. You can test him on this possibility by stating that the only reason there are pot holes in the streets is because water seeps into pavement and asphalt cracks. If he says they can also be caused by explosions, and then he goes into details on how to make roadside bombs, then you should end the relationship… after giving your next of kin your dental records. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• February 8, 2020


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