Unconfirmed Breaking News
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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Des Moines, Iowa – The Iowa Democratic Party (IDP) still has not reported official vote totals in the critical Iowa Caucuses as of early Tuesday morning, in a largely unexplained and unprecedented delay that has raised questions about the legitimacy of the contest. The Trump campaign, meanwhile, openly suggested that the delay meant that the caucuses were being “rigged,” and that the embarrassing night proved that the Democratic Party can’t be trusted to run Americans’ health care and implement sweeping new government programs. Even if a winner were ultimately announced, the chaos and confusion has seemingly erased any hope for the major momentum boost that would normally result.

IDP Chair Troy Price stated that reason why it was such a delay, is because there were traffic jams all over the state due to the amount of tractors on the highway at the same time, compiled with the fact that none of them can go faster than 15 mph.

Donald Trump

• February 4, 2020


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