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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My husband and I have been married 30 years. I recently retired, and we are planning a cruise to Europe and a two-month stay, returning on the same cruise line. The cruise line is rather posh, and travelers are asked to “dress appropriately” — which means, essentially, men should wear a jacket to dinner (no tie required). My husband is balking at the idea he should have to wear a jacket on his vacation and now says he won’t go. We have already invested several hundreds of dollars in deposits, so what do I do? I’d rather not spend 14 days at sea with a husband whining over wearing a jacket for 30 minutes a day.

Signed, Galena
From Springfield, Illinois

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Dear Galena,

If your husband feels he should be able to dress anyway he wants, you should respect that. And then you should do the exact same thing, to show him how idiotic his pointless stubbornness is. Here are some ideas. If you go shopping for food, wear a skimpy bathing suit, and explain to your husband you want to be clothed in as little weight as possible while carry heavy grocery bags, to avoid getting a hernia. Or, you can wear coveralls to a wedding, and then start making some farm animal sounds while the couples exchange their vows. If your spouse is ever hospitalized, go visit him dressed as the grim reaper, and tell him you feel that is the appropriate attire, after talking to his doctor earlier in the day. And here is my last idea. Have a romantic dinner with him at home. I’m talkin’ dim lights and a gourmet meal, while you’re wearing a sexy evening gown. When it’s bedtime that same night and his fantasies are running high, come out of the bathroom wearing a football uniform, including the helmet. And then give him a stern warning, that if he attempts to seduce you, while sleeping he risks feeling your cleats in his groin. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• March 14, 2020


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