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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I am 61 and dating a 63-year-old man, “Charles.” I live in my own apartment, pay my own bills, and I like and enjoy life. Charles is constantly over at my apartment and ends up falling asleep for hours at a time. It irritates me when he sleeps six, seven and even eight hours at my place. I feel he has a place of his own, and he should be doing that there. He has told me numerous times that he doesn’t feel safe at his apartment because of the neighborhood. He says that is why he is spending time with me. Am I being unreasonable? I don’t think I am, and it always ends up in an argument. If you could please give me some advice, I would appreciate your input.

Signed, Doris
From Chicago, Illinois

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Dear Doris,

It seems that Charles is unknowingly wearing out his welcome. The best way to stop this worm infested boil from coming over your house and staying too long, is to make his own home considerably more appealing in his eyes. Ok, here are some suggestions. Become a hoarder to the point that each room has so much junk in it, only one person at a time can fit. And definitely have mounds of stuff covering up the places where he sleeps, until he realizes that over your place, he would have to take his extended naps standing up. Since he apparently lives in a violent part of Chicago, try to increase the danger in your part of town, like encouraging more local gang activity in your neighborhood, or maybe even starting one. Or you can tell him that you plan on growing plants, so start keeping open bags of fertilizer in every room, and the “aroma” will be the most effective on days when it’s really humid. But if you don’t want to make any changes to your home, then try this. The next time he comes over, pay some people to strip his car down to the a-frame. If he later decides it’s best to take the bus instead, have some friends strip him down to his underwear. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• March 22, 2020


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