Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Pyongyang, North Korea – North Korea has triumphantly declared that it has zero cases of COVID-19, a virus that’s turned into a global pandemic and put entire nations on lockdown. The problem with Kim Jong Un’s chest-thumping proclamations, however, are that no one believes them. North Korea is bordered by China and South Korea, two of the worst-hit countries in the world. China announced it had 81,036 cases of COVID-19 and more than 3,200 deaths. A person who recently snuck out of North Korea said that what the dictator said is true. They further explained, that because every person who is seen with even a slight sniffle, is immediately rushed to the hospital, and is almost immediately standing in front of a group of experienced doctors, who were also members of a firing party.

Kim Jong Un

• March 18, 2020


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