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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Bernie Sanders says the coronavirus pandemic highlights the need for the populist progressive political revolution he’s been promoting for five years. Even though democrats aren’t buying it, the Vermont Senator is doubling down. “My plan of socialism and ultimately communism, would deal with this issue more aggressively,” he explained. “I would not allow seniors who are the most vulnerable to get preferential treatment for testing, because I feel it should be first come, first serve for the sake of equality. Secondly, the food shortages all over the nation is a good thing because it promotes teamwork and unity among hungry neighbors. I would like to see some level of starvation in this nation that would bring neighbors even closer. And to accommodate people who didn’t have access to food, I would introduce a bill that would give them free stretch pants that would easily cover their boated stomachs.”

Bernie Sanders

• March 18, 2020


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