Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

Life through Blake’s eyes…

I recently found out that you can contract the coronavirus through paper money. I was told this by some man that I met on the streets when I was downtown. He told me that he has some special disinfectant that will kill the virus on all bills. All I had to do, was go to the bank, withdraw all of my money, and he will clean it for free. I was so excited and felt lucky, so I went to the bank, withdrew it all, and gave it to him. His services must be in high demand, because he was supposed to call me back a couple of days ago to return my sanitized cash, but apparently there is a heavy backlog.

Life through Blake's eyes

• March 21, 2020


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