BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The United States and its Arab allies target a dozen small oil refineries in eastern Syrian used by ISIS to fund their operations to the tune of approximately $2 million per day, according to U.S. officials. They jointly unleashed a new round of airstrikes against Islamic State militants in eastern Syria late Wednesday, targeting a dozen small oil refineries. Their actions prompted ISIS to immediately file a complaint with the Geneva Convention, stating that their adversaries clearly violated the rules of engagement, by “intentionally destroying a legitimate business used to finance future acts of terror”. They also stated that they plan on filing a lawsuit against all parties involved in the destruction of the oil refineries, where they will be seeking punitive damages, and a public apology to their now frustrated budget officer.

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