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BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The Secret Service decided to continue their policy that their agents do not have to directly at Secretary of State John Kerry, because his monstrous appearance has caused many of them to have nightmares as well as other fear related mental issues. These highly trained federal law officers have stated that they always can tell when Kerry is on the area without actually seeing him, by listening for people that are screaming and running for their lives, or the sound made when a person falls to the ground after fainting from being terrified.

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