BREAKING NEWS – Groom Lake, Nevada – The U.S. Air Force is giving an ultimatum to owners of a remote Nevada property now surrounded by a vast bombing range including the super-secret Area 51: Take a $5.2 million “last best offer”, or the government will seize it. “What they really want to buy is our property, our access rights and our view,” said Joseph Sheahan, 54, who has led the fight with his cousin, Barbara Sheahan Manning, on behalf of about 20 property co-owners. A top secret leaked memo explains Area 51 desire for the additional land, which is, because the constant wild parties by the out of control Sheahan teenagers are continually distracting the detained space aliens that are teaching the U.S. military their advanced technology.

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