BREAKING NEWS – Moscow, Russia – Russia has named the U.S. as one of the threats to its national security in a new assessment signed by President Vladimir Putin according to a published report. Russia claims its heightened global reach has caused “counteraction from the USA and its allies, which are striving to retain their dominance in global affairs.” The document claims that Western pressures will likely lead to increased “political, economical, military and informational pressure” on Russia. President Obama fired back by saying, “Russia and Putin’s assessment of he U.S. being a threat is ridiculous! During the seven years I’ve been president, I have backed down from nearly every nation including Russia, and I will continue doing so. The only people that I will fight against with a high level of intensity are republicans and conservatives in this nation, and that obviously has nothing to do with foreign governments. Putin’s fear is unjustified because my record speaks for itself!”

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