I have been in therapy for 10 to 11 months, and financially it has costed me a lot, but I really don’t care. I love my therapist and I have had romantic feelings for her. During the sessions, my therapist treats me like she is interested and concerned, like she really loves me, in fact after I told her I loved her, she told me she loved me back. But outside of therapy, she is totally indifferent. She treats me as though she is totally disinterested in what I have to say, as though our relationship means nothing. It is confusing and humiliating. I have told her how I feel, yet nothing changes. She is so important to me. Is wanting her to be loving outside of the paid therapy sessions asking too much? Can I trust that she is being genuine during our sessions or is it all just an act?
From Tacoma, Washington
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What you are probably going through is called transference, and it’s when a client puts undo expectations and attributes onto the therapist. And it’s also possible that both of you are totally screwed up. My guess is, you’re more than likely a lonely person, with no friends, and your co-workers think you’re an idiot. But, I have a problem with her ethically, because she knows you’re a pathetic worthless human being, and she’s not honest and professional enough to tell you. You paying her to give you attention at hourly rates it’s comparable to prostitution, so don’t be surprised if both of you are arrested and booked. So now you’ve unfortunately fallen for her and would like to see her socially. Why would she want to have a relationship with you after you exposed all of your flaws that she probably laughs at after you exit her office? You should seriously consider accepting where you are as a person, and hopefully you’ll eventually learn to embrace your perpetual life of mediocrity. However, there is a real possibility, that deep down inside her soul, you mean something to her and you have some value in her life… especially if she has a mortgage and car payments. I hope this helps.