Dear Blake,

I’m a 29-year-old married doctor, but my heart is not in medicine. Plus, I’m three months pregnant with our first child. I need to figure out where my passion lies so I can begin a new career after the baby is born. I have no idea what I want to do. Please point me in the right direction.

Signed, Olivia

From Portland, Oregon

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Dear Olivia,

Even very successful well educated individuals at times, second guess their career choice. It’s entirely possible that your true aspiration is not to help people, but to hurt people. So, here are some options you should consider. How about a female bouncer in a seedy night club? You can brutalize intoxicated loud women that won’t even realize they’re in a hospital until they have sobered up. If you have a raspy voice and you took some hormone pills to grow a beard, you could possibly become a warlord for an inner city gang. You should also consider moving to NYC, and get a job collecting payments for loan sharks, occasionally breaking the bones of clients with delinquent accounts.  On the other hand, you might be a little emotionally disoriented due to the physiological changes your body is going through. But to be on the safe side and to ensure that you don’t have any deep seated violent tendencies, send me your address so your child for the first ten years of its life, can be closely monitored for “unexplainable ” bruises. Also send me the name of your husband’s employer, so if he doesn’t show up for work after you two get into a heated argument, the police will be dubious of your statement that you have no idea of his whereabouts. I hope this helps.

Blake

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