Dear Blake,

I am a huge fan of your website! And I need your help quickly or else I could get in trouble and even lose my bff. So I accidentally told my bff about something that I was not supposed to tell her. And if she tells our teacher I could get in huge trouble and not march on graduation day. And I risk ending our 8 month friendship—and it’s our last year of elementary school (6th grade) and we plan on going to the same high school!!!! So is it possible that I ruined my entire life because of my stupidity and carelessness?

Signed, Allison

From, Corpus Christi, Texas

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Dear Allison,

If she is really your best friend, it is unlikely that she will tell your teacher something that can get you in trouble. But if she does, certain female hormones that controls “vengeance” should immediately kick in. If your “former” friend prevents you from marching, contact her siblings and pay them to give you family secrets that would be so embarrassing if made public, that your bff won’t show up for the ceremony either. Tell your teacher that instead of going to college after she graduates, she often brags about her plans to join ISIS. You can spread bogus rumors that she is a bigot, and she only tolerates Asians, so she can look at their paper when the class is taking a test. However, her “potential” actions is not necessarily negative. Her ability to gather information, might be signs that she can be an excellent CIA agent/spy. The only problem with that is, if she gets the job, the Secretary of State at that time might set up an unauthorized private server that gets hacked by U.S. enemies, that exposes her and possibly getting her killed. Ask your parents to explain that. If they are republicans, they’ll give you a lot of details. If they’re democrats, they’ll tell you you’re too young to understand politics. I hope this helps.

Blake

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