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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I’m 26, and I love my job (I’m a marketing director) and the people I work for and with. However, there’s a 70-year-old lady here, and since I started work, she copies everything I do and wear. If I join a gym, she joins a gym. If I buy boots, she buys similar boots. If I buy certain makeup, she buys the exact same makeup, and on and on. Now she wants to know my hairdresser’s name and number! I hate to hurt her feelings, but I’ve just about reached the point of screaming. I realize that imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but I could stand to be flattered a whole lot less.

Signed, Samantha

From New York City, New York

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Dear Samantha,

Your co-worker is obviously very impressed by you. But considering her age and actions, it’s entirely possible that the creative side of her brain is in the early stages of rigor mortis. Here are some possible ways to put a stop to that old bat’s irritating predictable behavior. Tell her that you’ve been embezzling from the company, and when she starts doing it, contact your boss… and security. Start wearing a maternity top, and when she mimics that, no doubt your boss will demand that she seeks a psychiatric evaluation, and will likely also reassign her to low skilled job, that doesn’t have any sharp objects. But here is my favorite solution. Wait until the end of the year and buy a coat that’s about four sizes too large. Go to the nearest skyscraper and stand on the edge at the top, as she follows and does the same thing… and then jump. As you both fall, open the parachute that you hid under your coat, and just as a precaution, have a pair of scissors with you. Because if she has a parachute too, while you both float down, get as close to her strings as possible, and you’ll know what to do. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• July 17, 2016


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