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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Portland, Oregon – An Oregon judge is being investigated after she allegedly helped an illegal immigrant elude ICE agents in January by guiding the man through a private entrance at the courthouse. Multnomah County Judge Monica Heeranz was notified by court staff that ICE agents were waiting outside her courtroom to possibly apprehend Diddier Pacheco Salazar, a 22-year-old Mexican national attending a DUI hearing, U.S. Attorney Billy Williams said. Heeranz responded to the allegation by stating, “I did nothing illegal during Slazar’s hearing by giving him a blueprint of the building, a brand new pair of Nike running shoes, and a set of my car keys.”

• March 3, 2017


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