BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – North Korean leader Kim Jong Un’s motorcade may not be as indestructible as President Trump’s fleet of bombproof “Beast” limousines, but it reportedly offers one feature the U.S. president has to live without: a traveling toilet. A defector who served on the North Korean Guard Command told The Washington Post that Kim brings a secret restroom everywhere he goes, mostly a security measure meant to keep foreign intelligence operatives from collecting any of his excrement in an attempt to determine the state of his health. The defector also said, while in North Korea, “Kim sits on the toilet when his limousine pulls up to drive-up windows at fast food restaurants, as an efficient way to simultaneously deal with his massive amounts of input/output.”

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