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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My husband and I want to go to Europe this summer, but we don’t want to take his mother along. We have taken her on two holidays over the last two years and she didn’t enjoy either one for various reasons, complaining nonstop and unending whining. She now expects to go with us on our international vacations, and we don’t know how to tell her we prefer to go alone. Please help.

Signed, Chantelle
From Hartford, Connecticut

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Dear Chantelle,

While vacationing in Europe you will be able to take in all of the spectacular sights and rich history. But before you go, you and your husband should consider bringing his mother, but first the two of you should determine which country to leave her in. Here are some options. While in London, you can make sure your mother-in-law gets roughed up by an angry crowd, by having her sip coffee at tea time, or to accuse her in front of a large crowd of saying soccer is not really a sport. You can pick her from the hospital on your way back to America. Or, you can take her to Spain to participate in the running of the bulls, after convincing her that she has nothing to fear because the horns on the huge beasts are made of Styrofoam. How about this idea? You can take her to Germany and let her drive a sports car on the part of the autobahns that has no speed limits, after you had the vehicle’s brakes rendered ineffective. But my favorite place to take her would be  Italy, specifically the Roman Coliseum. And to be consistent with the culture at the time when it was built over 2000 years ago, the last thing your mother-in-law should see on earth, should be you dressed up as a gladiator, aggressively approaching her with a heavy sword. Or if you don’t want to do that but you still want to reflect some history in regards to how you deal with her while she’s at the Coliseum, try to find some place nearby where you can rent some hungry lions. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• February 23, 2019


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