Dear Blake,

I was recently hired as a chauffeur in New York City. There was never any mention of how people should address me. We are given information about the client we will be meeting, and almost all of them are celebrities or well known public figures. Some clients prefer not to be addressed as “Sir” or “Ms. X.” I was told to always address my passenger using formal introductions such as “Good morning, Ms. X,” unless otherwise instructed. I have noticed that all of my clients address me by my first name (the name given to them by dispatch). I don’t like it that it is acceptable for the client to be informal with me, but I must be formal with them. What should I do?

Signed, Darren
From New York City, New York

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Dear Darren,

When you pick up a customer, you can simply tell them how you would like to be addressed. If they refuse to honor your request, then make the limo ride one that they won’t forget anytime soon. Such as, if you are picking up a famous singer or musician, tell them that their last cd was so awful that you now use it for a coaster, and they should find another career to avoid further humiliation. If they are a movie star, tell them that they should fire their agent because the last few movies they were in were some of the worse you have ever seen. Also suggest that they should sue their agent for intentionally sabotaging your career and subjecting you to ongoing public ridicule. If it’s an elected official, ask them do they ever laugh at how easy it was to manipulate all of the suckers that put them in office? And then ask them if they plan on relying on that same level of stupidity in the next election. But if you are uncomfortable using words because you are not very confrontational, then try this. When you pick up one of those boneheads, start speeding and driving erratically, weaving in and out of traffic, running stoplights, and driving on sidewalks. Even though you won’t have a job after you get arrested, you will always have the enjoyable memory looking in your rearview mirror, watching the passengers multi-task, which will be praying while sweating bullets. I hope this helps.

Blake

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