BREAKING NEWS – Des Moines, Iowa – White House hopeful Joe Biden announced an upcoming “No Malarkey” bus tour crisscrossing the Hawkeye state, in an effort to connect with Iowa voters ahead of the nation’s first presidential primary. His critics stated that his use of the word “Malarkey” shows he is too old and out of touch with today. Biden angrily responded to their assessment and stated, “I am not outdated or old fashioned, and only whipper snappers and sad sacks would say that about me! If they gave me a chance they would see my polices are groovy, and if I was elected, the USA would have it made in the shade. But if any critics were to ever say insulting things to my face, I promise you I would give them a knuckle sandwich!”

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