Dear Blake,

We’re a senior couple who have been together 20 years. My wife and I have a date night twice a week. I feel our physical intimacy melds our spirits and souls together. But lately my wife’s new rule is, “Don’t bother me while my TV programs are on!” When I told her I feel her programs are more important to her than I am, she got upset. So did I. Nothing’s been the same since. What’s your take on this?

Signed, Lonnie
From Oak Park, Illinois

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Dear Lonnie,

It’s unfortunate that your wife is snubbing you for the small screen. The best way to communicate with her, is to speak to your insensitive negligent spouse in a language she can relate to. Here are some suggestions. Tell her if she doesn’t start paying you more attention, one day when she falls asleep, you’ll pour gasoline all over the living room and start a “Chicago Fire”. Or you can threaten to call one of your siblings to come beat her up, specifically your “Big Brother”. If you want to get her really nervous, you can tell her you put poison in all of the food, and even though you’ll eat it too you won’t die, because you have the antidote and you’ll be the sole “Survivor”. And finally, if she still continues to ignore you making you feel second rate compared to her tv programs, then tell her you are ending the marriage because you recently saw an old girlfriend from your youth, who now has your heart, and you wish you would’ve married her instead. When she asks you how can you leave her for someone from your distant past, tell her hindsight is “2020”. I hope this helps.

Blake

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