Dear Blake,

My husband retired four years ago. At first he seemed to enjoy not having to go to work. Then he got bored and needed something to do. For some reason, he bought an old Corvette to restore. I was supportive, until I found out it’s an expensive hobby. Finding and buying all the replacement parts costs money.

He has been working on that car for 3 1/2 years now. As soon as he gets it ready to drive, something else breaks. Meanwhile, he has bought four more old Corvettes “to work on.” Our backyard looks like a junkyard.

We haven’t had a vacation trip since he retired, not even a weekend to the mountains. He argues that we can’t afford it, but he spends thousands on those old cars. It has become an obsession for him, and it’s “driving” ME crazy. Any suggestions?

Signed, Lydia
From Glendale, Arizona

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Dear Lydia,

I think your husband’s hobby would probably drive anyone crazy. Because he can’t see how nutty he is, I would urge you to get a hobby that can also push him to the edge of insanity. Here are some ideas. Start collecting discarded needles. Tell your spouse once the amount of syringes grows to a couple of hundred or so, you’ll then separate the diabetes, from the heroin, from the illegal scientific genetic experiments. Or, you can open your home to stray dogs. Tell him you want to see if you can determine which dogs like an occasional belly rub, versus the ones who will spontaneously launch a merciless unprovoked deadly attack. You might want to start acquiring unexploded ordinances, including bombs, shells, grenades, land mines, naval mines, and cluster munitions. And constantly remind your husband to walk slowly and quietly in your home, because the wrong vibration can easily take out half of your block. However, if you want to keep the peace in your home, join him in his hobby. Tell him that you know he wants to be in a Corvette, and then you should start collecting parts to the type of car that you’d like to see him in. Make sure that you inform him that you want to see him as a passenger in it, not the driver. Initially he’ll think you’re building a limousine, but it will just be a matter of time before he realizes that you’re assembling a hearse. I hope this helps.

Blake

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